Sorry it's been so long since my last post. I have been feeling so bogged down with midterms and papers and such, and it doesn't look like there's any end in sight! Even so, I've been coming to class, even on days when I really am dreading it. I always feel so much better about lfe by the end of class, a little decompressed from the stress of my other classes.
I really enjoyed class last Wednesday. We acted out a scene when Ravana finally gets fed up with Sita and threatens to kill her. I volunteered to be one of the wives in Ravana's harem who vie for his attention. I was nervous at first, and we were all kind of timid in the first go around for the scene, but as we continued talking about it and trying again, the scene got better and better and I became more comfortable with the part I was playing. Volunteering for a part like that was a big step for me! I rarely speak up in class, let alone volunteer to perform. I can see how this class is helping me to step out of my comfort zone and try new things!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Dear Banjar...
Dear Francis/Banjar,
I have really enjoyed this class so far this semester, and it’s hard to believe we’ve been together for almost two months. I feel like, while we are growing as a community and a banjar, it is still hard for me to open up to everyone and voice my opinions to the class, and I don’t think I’m the only one who is struggling with this “surrender” as Francis likes to say. I have especially felt the struggle to contribute in the past few weeks, with all of the stress of midterms mounting in my mind. I have felt so much pressure in all of my classes that it sometimes causes me to clam up and my mind kind of shuts down. Its hard for me to focus sometimes on how my contributions to the banjar are important.
In some ways I do feel like I’ve grown through this class. I have become less concerned with how ridiculous I look and sometimes feel doing the dance moves and stomps we have been learning. I think that for me this is about becoming more comfortable and confident in my body. I think that dance is a realm of this class that I am definitely more comfortable with, even though I'm not necessarily good at it. It's something that is more familiar to me, even if the style is way different than anything I've ever done before. I'm much more confident in a performance or dance setting than a speaking setting, so I'm hoping I can contribute more to the class in that way! For the performance, I’m open to just about anything. I think that it is important to represent several different levels of performance and community. A big group performance would be good to solidify the bonds of our banjar, and would allow for a more intricate interplay between a larger number of people, which always looks cool (I’m thinking of the entrance of the monkeys that we saw in the Ramayana and also the kecak circle with the polyrhythmic chanting).
I think it would also be cool to incorporate solo performances, as well as performances of smaller dance groups, maybe 4 or 5 people? I would like for my final performance to be part of a small group, as I think this is an atmosphere in which I could best contribute to the banjar. Another way in which I will try to give to the banjar will be in completing my blogs and reading in the Ramayana and on Blackboard. It’s easy to push these aside sometimes because they don’t seem as important as my readings for other classes, but I can’t put forth the effort that the community deserves without doing the readings. I don’t want to feel like I’m cheating the banjar out of a more fulfilling experience.
I have really enjoyed this class so far this semester, and it’s hard to believe we’ve been together for almost two months. I feel like, while we are growing as a community and a banjar, it is still hard for me to open up to everyone and voice my opinions to the class, and I don’t think I’m the only one who is struggling with this “surrender” as Francis likes to say. I have especially felt the struggle to contribute in the past few weeks, with all of the stress of midterms mounting in my mind. I have felt so much pressure in all of my classes that it sometimes causes me to clam up and my mind kind of shuts down. Its hard for me to focus sometimes on how my contributions to the banjar are important.
In some ways I do feel like I’ve grown through this class. I have become less concerned with how ridiculous I look and sometimes feel doing the dance moves and stomps we have been learning. I think that for me this is about becoming more comfortable and confident in my body. I think that dance is a realm of this class that I am definitely more comfortable with, even though I'm not necessarily good at it. It's something that is more familiar to me, even if the style is way different than anything I've ever done before. I'm much more confident in a performance or dance setting than a speaking setting, so I'm hoping I can contribute more to the class in that way! For the performance, I’m open to just about anything. I think that it is important to represent several different levels of performance and community. A big group performance would be good to solidify the bonds of our banjar, and would allow for a more intricate interplay between a larger number of people, which always looks cool (I’m thinking of the entrance of the monkeys that we saw in the Ramayana and also the kecak circle with the polyrhythmic chanting).
I think it would also be cool to incorporate solo performances, as well as performances of smaller dance groups, maybe 4 or 5 people? I would like for my final performance to be part of a small group, as I think this is an atmosphere in which I could best contribute to the banjar. Another way in which I will try to give to the banjar will be in completing my blogs and reading in the Ramayana and on Blackboard. It’s easy to push these aside sometimes because they don’t seem as important as my readings for other classes, but I can’t put forth the effort that the community deserves without doing the readings. I don’t want to feel like I’m cheating the banjar out of a more fulfilling experience.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Let's talk about the Ramayana...or not
So, at Monday's class we were supposed to be discussing the Ramayana in our circle. We circled up and our guru led us in our stretches. I agree with Guru Francis that I do feel the sense of community while we are stretching together. We are linked together through him during that time, and the exercise we did with laying down and popping back up was a cool way to really see how in tune with each other we can be.
When we started doing the chanting circle and Francis got up and started singing/chanting about the beginnings of the Ramayana. None of us really knew what we were supposed to do. I think the hardest part about this class for me is truely getting to a point where I can step out of my comfort zone and "surrender." Monday's class was really confusing to me in many ways, and it was/is hard for me to verbalize what I was feeling during that class. All the talk about the economy and people's future plans made me feel like all the things I'm going through right now are really petty and unimportant, which is why it's hard for me to open up about what's on my mind when asked in class. When I left class I felt really unsettled about it all.
Being in a situation like our discussion on Monday is really hard for me. I'm very quiet by nature, public speaking is a huge fear of mine, and to just jump into a conversation in or outside an academic setting requires major effort on my part. So I know that is something I need to work on, and have been working on, but I also know its something that will take a lot of time.
I think that dance is a realm of this class that I am definately more comfortable with, even though I'm not necessarily good at it. It's something that is more familiar to me, even if the style is way different than anything I've ever done before. I'm much more confident in a performance or dance setting than a speaking setting given my background in cheerleading and dance. So I'm hoping I can contribute more to the class in that way!
That's all for now.
When we started doing the chanting circle and Francis got up and started singing/chanting about the beginnings of the Ramayana. None of us really knew what we were supposed to do. I think the hardest part about this class for me is truely getting to a point where I can step out of my comfort zone and "surrender." Monday's class was really confusing to me in many ways, and it was/is hard for me to verbalize what I was feeling during that class. All the talk about the economy and people's future plans made me feel like all the things I'm going through right now are really petty and unimportant, which is why it's hard for me to open up about what's on my mind when asked in class. When I left class I felt really unsettled about it all.
Being in a situation like our discussion on Monday is really hard for me. I'm very quiet by nature, public speaking is a huge fear of mine, and to just jump into a conversation in or outside an academic setting requires major effort on my part. So I know that is something I need to work on, and have been working on, but I also know its something that will take a lot of time.
I think that dance is a realm of this class that I am definately more comfortable with, even though I'm not necessarily good at it. It's something that is more familiar to me, even if the style is way different than anything I've ever done before. I'm much more confident in a performance or dance setting than a speaking setting given my background in cheerleading and dance. So I'm hoping I can contribute more to the class in that way!
That's all for now.
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